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    1. #71
      Forum Sponsor universityvolvoOSD's Avatar
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (Kirb)

      Probably because you have to beg instead...


      My wife saw that Now you have started something All of a sudden I now have to ASK!....and say please ....but it's worth it!

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

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    3. #72
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (universityvolvoOSD)

      Here's one for you Kirb!!!


      A man walks into his bedroom... and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

      He asks, "What are you doing?"

      She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada. I heard prostitutes there get
      paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."

      Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom
      and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's
      going, he replies..."I'm coming, too. I want to see how you live on
      $800 a year."

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    4. #73
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (universityvolvoOSD)

      This one is hilarious!!!!!!

      After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

      Kennedy opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
      370HSSV-0773H
      Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

      No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
      With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled back with this reply: "Tell the FBI that Ted Kennedy is holding the message upside down."

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

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    6. #74
      Senior Member 2k2S80t6's Avatar
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (universityvolvoOSD)

      DING DING DING....WE HAVE A WINNER!!! That was funny.

    7. #75
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (2k2S80t6)

      Bubba and his Lawyer...........................

      Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is It true theys suin
      them cigarette companies fer causin People to git cancer ?"

      "Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.

      "And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them fat
      an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that true,

      Mista Lawyer?"

      "Sure is, Bubba."

      "And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was gave that hot
      coffee that she ordered?"

      "Yep."

      "And that football player sued that university when he Gradiated and
      still couldn't read?"

      "That's right," said the lawyer.

      "But why are you asking?"

      "Well, I was thinkin . . . What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser
      fer all them ugly women I slept with?"


      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    8. #76
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (universityvolvoOSD)

      There was this person who owned a smurf-blue Volvo. It was a '74, however, making it quite old and even Volvos don't last forever. When he was driving home one afternoon and the engine almost fell through one of the engine mounts, his wife brought up the subject of buying a new car.
      "Well, I've really grown partial to this car, dear."
      "But, honey, that car is going to fall apart any minute."
      The argument went on for a while and the husband finally agreed that he would buy a new car, but he would only buy another bluish-colored Volvo. It had to have the exact shade of blue or he wasn't interested. And so, his quest began.

      "Nope. Are you sure you want that color?" asked all the volvo dealers in New York. He went to Connecticut and received the same line. He went to Rhode Island, only to hear "Nope. Had one last week, a leftover 1980. Couldn't sell it, so we gave it to a junk dealer." The man ran to the junk dealer just in time to see the car of his dreams crushed.

      He travelled through Vermont. "Nope. Can't get one like that here…." He tried New Hampshire. "They don’t make them in that color anymore." He went into Maine. "I don't have one, but Charlie might. He's the Volvo dealer up in Caribou. Anyone ever told you about Caribou, Maine? It is freezing up there. It’s in the middle of nowhere, real remote….he’s got a bunch of old cars up there he's never sold…”

      Two days later the Caribou dealer arrived at his shop and found this guy standing by the door. When the dealer opened the door the husband saw it. Almost hidden in the back of the showroom, was a bluish coloured Volvo. “Perfect!” He told the man of his quest, gave him the money, and was about to leave when the dealer asked "Why did you spend so much time searching for this colored volvo? Why did it have to be this sort of bluish colour?"

      The husband smiled and said, as he drove off, "Well, there's something about an Aqua Volvo, man..."


    9. #77
      Forum Sponsor universityvolvoOSD's Avatar
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (JRinPR)

      Aqua Volvo man JR....that was probly your worst effort ever You must have heard that one years ago on the floor at LNCP!
      No more beer for you until you post something better than "Aqua Volvo Man"
      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    10. #78
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (universityvolvoOSD)

      Quote, originally posted by universityvolvoOSD »
      Aqua Volvo man JR....that was probly your worst effort ever You must have heard that one years ago on the floor at LNCP!
      No more beer for you until you post something better than "Aqua Volvo Man"

      Yeah, I put that one there at the risk of having the mods deduct points from me...wouldn't blame them if they had.

      PS - Be nice or I'll tell everybody you have a bumper sticker in the back of the 240 that says "HAVE YOU DRIVEN A FJORD LATELY?"


    11. #79
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (JRinPR)

      HAVE YOU DRIVEN A FJORD LATELY?" \

      Okay That's better ...go have a beer Happy 4th amigo

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    12. #80
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (universityvolvoOSD)

      Bob, good one! Unfortunately for you, my wife hates Nevada. She can only bear Vegas for a couple of days.

    13. #81
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      Re: Political/Religious Humor (Kirb)

      SOUTHERN HOROSCOPES


      What's Your Southern Sign?
      Some Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes
      and the people that read them. If we are to ever
      fully understand all the star signs and the people
      they represent, we need symbols that all true
      Southerners understand: See the list below:


      OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20): Are tough on the outside
      but tender on the inside. Okras have tremendous
      influence. An older Okra can look back over his
      life and see the seeds of his influence
      everywhere. You can do something good each day if
      you try.

      CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19): Chitlins come from
      humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, will make
      something of himself if he is motivated and has lots
      of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful
      - they may surprise you. They can erupt like
      Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and
      Okra.

      BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20): You have an
      overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the
      surface of things, and you feel the need to bore
      deep into the interior of everything. Needless to
      say, you are very intense and driven as if you had
      some inner hunger. You love to stay busy and tend
      to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is
      going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

      MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20): You're the type
      that spends a lot of time on the front porch. A
      cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon
      Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You
      should marry anybody who you can get remotely
      interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy.
      You always have a big smile and are happy. This
      might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe
      not.

      POSSUM (April 21 - May 21): When confronted with
      life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency
      to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it
      attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people
      actually think you're dead. This strategy is
      probably not psychologically healthy but seems to
      work for you. You are a rare breed. Most folks love
      to watch you work and play. You are a night person
      and mind your own business.

      CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21): Crawfish is a water
      sign. If you work in an office, you're hanging
      around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach
      to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and
      the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be
      particularly attractive physically, but you have
      very, very good heads.

      COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23): Collards have a genius
      for communication. They love to get in the melting
      pot of life and share their essence with the
      essence of those around them. Collards make good
      social workers, psychologists, and baseball
      managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you
      are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just
      won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

      CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23): Catfish are
      traditionalists in matters of the heart, although
      one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones.
      You Catfish are never easy people to understand.
      You run fast. You work and play hard. Even though
      you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface
      of life, you are liked by most. Above all else,
      Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

      GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23): Your highest aim is to be
      with others like yourself. You like to huddle
      together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love
      to travel though, so maybe you should think about
      joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere
      they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs and
      a good time. If you can go somewhere where they
      have all these things; that serves you well. You
      are pure in heart.

      BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23): You have a
      passionate desire to help your fellow man.
      Unfortunately, those who know you best, your
      friends and loved ones, may find that your
      personality is much too salty, and their criticism
      will affect you deeply because you are really much
      softer than you appear. You should go right ahead
      and marry anybody you want to because in a certain
      way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life,
      you can be sure that people will always pull over
      and stop for you.

      BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22): Always invite a
      Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get
      along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean,
      should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life,
      and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You
      can sit next to anybody. However, you, too,
      shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

      ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21): You have a tendency to
      develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite
      gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you--old
      friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and
      insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned
      with today's fashions and trends. You're not
      concerned with anything about today. You're almost
      prehistoric in your interests and behavior
      patterns. You probably want to marry another
      Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky
      mating possibility.

      I am an Okra......

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    14. #82
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      Okra here, too...

    15. #83
      Forum Sponsor universityvolvoOSD's Avatar
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      Re: (JRinPR)

      Okra here, too


      Ifn'ya aint from round here...this aint makin no sense atall!
      Moon pies and a RC and chitlin and grits....why lordy mercy ya'll....that some fiiiine eatin there now!

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    16. #84
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      Re: (universityvolvoOSD)

      Don't forget salt'n pepper catfish from Captain's Galley, ordering chicken livers at KFC, and Pintos with Cheese at Bojangles!

    17. #85
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      Re: (JRinPR)

      Pintos with Cheese at Bojangles!

      with some dirty rice and a chicken biscuit Now that's what I'm talkin about!

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    18. #86
      Senior Member 2k2S80t6's Avatar
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      Re: (universityvolvoOSD)

      and SUHWEET TEA

    19. #87
      Forum Sponsor universityvolvoOSD's Avatar
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      Re: (2k2S80t6)

      and SUHWEET TEA


      in Lord Stanley's Cup How bout dem Canes...Redneck Hockey is here to stay ................new slogan in Raliegh is..." Hey Bubba..."puck" you!....Get R Done"

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    20. #88
      Forum Sponsor universityvolvoOSD's Avatar
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      Re: (universityvolvoOSD)

      Back to the jokes.............


      These 4 college guys head to the beach for a weekend of some serious partying. Late sunday afternoon, as they are getting ready to head back, one of the guys remembers that they have a huge exam on monday morning.
      Knowing that they are nowhere near prepared.....one of the guys had the brilliant idea to call the professor at home...from the road and tell him that they had a flat tire, and could they possibly take a make up test on tuesday.
      Well....it worked! The proffessor was very understanding...even said to make it wednesday for teh make up test.
      So....wednesday morning the 4 guys showed up fro the test. The proffessor hands them each a very short 2 page exam....and puts each of them in a separate classroom with the following test instuctions.
      pg1....for 5 points..put your name, address, and phone # at the top of the page.
      pg2 for 95 points....which tire was flat?

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    21. #89
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      Re: (universityvolvoOSD)

      I must admit, I haven't drunk tea as good as North Carolina's since I lived there..

      Anyhow...I think this is the best Volvo ad ever:

      http://xfer.gofastvideo.com/ga....mpeg

      * (WARNING: Not quite safe for work) *


    22. #90
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      Re: (JRinPR)

      We just put in a new car wash here at the store....I'm calling the company back to see if we can get that feature added

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    23. #91
      Senior Member bpwrightwv's Avatar
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      What do you call a vegetarian with diarhea?
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .

      salad shooter


    24. #92
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      Re: (bpwrightwv)

      What do you call a woman with no arms or legs on a bar-b-que grill?

      Patty!

      What do you call a man with no arms or legs on a bar-b-que grill?

      Frank!

      What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your mailbox?

      Bill!

      What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?

      Art!

      What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

      Bob!


      What do you call a man with no arms or legs at your doorstep?

      Matt!

      What do you call a man with no legs?

      Neil!


    25. #93
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      Re: (JRinPR)

      In a pile of leaves?

      Russell!


    26. #94
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      Re: (Steely)

      Sitting in a garden?


      Herb


    27. #95
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      Re: (1sttimevolvo)

      woman with one leg?


      Ilene

      chinese woman with one leg?


      Irene


    28. #96
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    29. #97
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    30. #98
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      Re: (gdill2)

      Reviving an oldie but a goodie. Enjoy:

      AUTOMOTIVE ACRONYMS

      AUDI
      Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
      Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
      Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

      BMW
      Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
      Big Money Withdrawal
      Break My Window
      Bought My Wife
      Brutal Money Waster
      Brings Me Women but Broke My Wallet

      BUICK
      Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

      CHEVROLET
      Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
      Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

      DAEWOO
      Darn Automobile ain't Expensive but With Out a doubt Obsolete

      DODGE
      Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
      Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

      FIAT
      Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
      Fix It All the Time
      Fix It Again, Tony!

      FORD
      First On Recall Day
      First On Rust and Deterioration
      Fix Or Repair Daily
      Found On Road, Dead
      Fault Of Research & Development
      Fast Only Rolling Downhill
      Features O.J. & Ron`s DNA
      backwards -> Driver Returns On Foot

      GM
      General Maintenance

      GMC
      Garage Man`s Companion
      Got A Mechanic Coming?

      HONDA
      Had One, Never Did Again
      Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else

      HYUNDAI
      Hope You Understand Nothing`s Driveable And Inexpensive

      MAZDA
      Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

      OLDSMOBILE
      Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday.
      Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment

      PORSCHE :
      Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

      SAAB
      Send Another Automobile Back
      Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
      Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

      SUBARU
      Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

      TOYOTA
      Too Often Yankees Overpay (for) This Auto

      VOLVO
      Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

      VW
      Virtually Worthless
      Very Weird


    31. #99
      Senior Member 2k2S80t6's Avatar
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      Re: (JRinPR)

      You forgot the politically incorrect and racially insensitive PONTIAC acronym.


    32. #100
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      Re: (2k2S80t6)

      Quote, originally posted by 2k2S80t6 »
      You forgot the politically incorrect and racially insensitive PONTIAC acronym.

      Didn't forget it, my friend, omitted it on purpose.


    33. #101
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      Re: (JRinPR)

      Okay, some of these are stupid but some would be really funny.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
      OFFICE DARES - something to try out if you get bored at work...

      ONE-POINT DARES*

      1.Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

      2.To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
      and grimace.

      3.Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,
      "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

      4.Walk sideways to the photocopier.

      5.While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the Doors
      open.

      6.When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and
      pretend it wasn't you.

      7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."

      8.Don't use any punctuation.

      9.Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected
      sigh.

      10.Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.


      THREE-POINT DARES ***

      1.Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with
      double-barrelled fingers.

      2.Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

      3.Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

      4.Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.

      5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over
      his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

      6.Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit,
      it's happened again!". Then do it again.

      7.Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then
      wink and pout.

      8.Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any
      P*rnography web sites.


      FIVE-POINT DARES *****

      1.At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to
      conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you
      actually launch into it yourself).

      2.Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with
      growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

      3.For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".

      4.Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a
      number two".

      6.After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As
      in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.

      7.In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and
      mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

      8.At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my
      witness, I'll never go hungry again!"

      9.Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you
      hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

      10.Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash
      biscuit with your fist.

      11.During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the
      door.

      12.As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

      13.Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

      14.Hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough
      embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll
      call you tonight"

      Bob Kennedy
      University Volvo OSD Mgr
      Charlotte NC
      VOLVO FOR LIFE
      http://www.universityvolvo.com/volvo...as-program.htm

    34. #102
      Senior Member 2k2S80t6's Avatar
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      Re: (universityvolvoOSD)

      In your next meeting continuously stare down at your Blackberry/PDA whatever. Never look up. If you feel like someone is glaring at you, start snickering like you just read the funniest damned thing ever.

    35. #103
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      Re: (2k2S80t6)

      Hey Bob...I'd saved this one from when I worked at that place you know, the one that Kurt Russell used as inspiration for the movie script for Used Cars...anyhow, had to transfer it into Word, from the sheet of paper it was typed on. Hope you haven't read it before:

      Oil Changing Instructions

      Women:

      1. Pull up to Speedy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
      2. Drink a cup of coffee.
      3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

      ------------------------------------------

      Men:

      1. Go to AutoZone and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
      2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to AutoZone to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
      3. Open a beer and drink it.
      4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
      5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
      6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
      7. Place drain pan under engine.
      8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
      9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
      10. Unscrew drain plug.
      11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
      12. Clean up.
      13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
      14. Look for oil filter wrench.
      15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
      16. Beer.
      17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
      18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
      19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
      20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
      21. Walk to ABC store; buy beer.
      22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
      23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
      24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
      25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
      26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains
      onto floor.
      27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
      28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
      29. Begin cussing fit.
      30. Throw wrench.
      31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1982) in the left boob.
      32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
      33. Beer.
      34. Beer.
      35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
      36. Beer.
      37. Lower car from jack stands
      38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
      39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
      40. Drive car


    36. #104
      Member
      Join Date
      Sep 2003
      Posts
      3,521

      Re: (JRinPR)

      WARNING: not exactly politically-correct.

      Dayvorce


      A hillbilly farmer who wants a divorce pays a visit to a lawyer.

      Lawyer: How can I help you?

      The farmer said, "I want to get one of those day-vorces."

      Lawyer: Do you have any grounds?

      Farmer: Yup, I got 40 acres.

      Lawyer: No, you don't understand...I need to figure out if you have a suit...

      Farmer: Yeah, I got a suit; I done wear it to church on Sundays!

      Lawyer: No, no, I mean, if you have a case...

      Farmer: No, I ain't got a Case, but I got me a good ol' John Deere...

      Lawyer: No, I mean, do you have a grudge?

      Farmer: Yeah, I got a grudge, that's where I park mah John Deere!

      Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up or something?

      Farmer: Uhhh...no, I reckon we both get up at 4:30AM.

      Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?

      Farmer: No, she a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce...



    37. #105

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